I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
