Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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