If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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