There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
