She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
