Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
