i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
