were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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