she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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