i may or may not be watching the land before time
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
