i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
