she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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