what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
