Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
