He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
