either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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