Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
