dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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