Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
