i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
