You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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