i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
