hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
