It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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