She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
