Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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