my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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