Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
