I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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