I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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