You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
