I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
