does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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