We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
