i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
