Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
