i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
