they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
