she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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