well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
