You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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