My first STD was from a foam party
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
