Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
