I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
