I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
