She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
