I queefed so loud it echoed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
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Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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