Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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