loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
