Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
