I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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