Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
