I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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