There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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