I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
