Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
