My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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