I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
