her vagine was all disorganized.
I smell stomach acid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
