never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
