she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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