Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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