My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
40s are totally the cure
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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