left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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