Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
