just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
