i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
