There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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