Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I AM VODKA MAN
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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