We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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