I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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