garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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