what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
