my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
