The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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