You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
