is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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